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Self Help: How to Neutralize the Office Bully (part 2)

Never let anyone criticize you by throwing out sweeping generalizations such as, "You suck, you're an idiot, you're insensitive, you're selfish, you're a jerk."

Always ask for clarification. Say, "Exactly how am I a jerk?" so that you can uncover what this person is communicating and more importantly, what he wants. This is an important principle in self-help. 

When people are angry or frustrated, it's usually because they want something but feel helpless to get it. So, they become overly aggressive in an attempt to get it.

Lisa: "May I ask what you were expecting in the seminar?"

Client: "I thought you were going to tell me how to be more effective at work through better time management... I'm dealing with 235 staff and I'm overwhelmed."

Step 4. Give the person what he wants or, if you can't, help him try and get it from somewhere else.

You can usually find a way to satisfy the request. If it's impossible, you can apologize, offer a refund, or ask the person what you can do to help resolve the situation.

Lisa: "Excellent. That's helpful for me to be able to customize this training. Would it be appealing if I included an hour this afternoon on time management?"

Client: "Yes, that would be great."

Before going into a meeting with this type of person, prepare yourself with this 4 step plan so that you are not ambushed. Once you're good at it, you can fall back on it when you get surprise attacks.

Self Help: What to Do If the Bully is Venting on You

Occasionally, you'll come across a person who is not really trying to get something, nor is he frustrated with you. Basically, he is upset about another situation and is venting his negativity on you. You'll know when this is the case because even after you've given him what he wants, he continues to attack you verbally.

At this point, you abandon the 10% agreement strategy. You must hold up your hand and say, "I know you're frustrated, but I cannot allow you to vent on me."

If he continues, this is the time to exit the conversation. It is rare to find someone who will continue, because he looks so foolish to others.

These two self-help strategies will make you more confident in handling the office bully.

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your friend,
Lisa B.

[ Part 1 | Part 2 ]

Advanced Self Help Institute
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