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Self Help: Stop Taking Things Personally (part 1)

A Typical Example

Your boss hires a new employee who is obviously quite competent. You next discover that he's invited the new guy to a charity event you've been wanting to attend for six months.

When you find out, you feel hurt and angry. Your boss notices your dismay and invites you along. Feeling like an afterthought, you reject the invitation and fume over his insensitivity.

Why We Take Things Personally

We take things personally because we've trained our mind to do so.

We do not realize this, of course. When events trigger our outrage, we believe our hurt and anger is justified. 

How We Take Things Personally

When we take another person's behavior personally, we do the following 3 things:

• Assume his behavior is a reflection of how he feels towards you (vs. a reflection on him and his environment)
• Magnify his hostility towards you by remembering similar ways you've been hurt in the past
• Activate your self-righteousness by believing you would never do this to him, e.g., treat him unfairly, reject him, under-appreciate him, etc.

When we amplify love, we think about how wonderful, sexy, and funny our partner is.

When we amplify hostility, we think about how much another person is trying to hurt, undermine, or embarrass us.

I'm not suggesting that people never do hurtful things.

There is much unconsciousness in the world, and people do transgress against us.

Sometimes, the person IS acting a little rejective towards you in an effort to communicate something important.

However, there are more effective ways to handle negative events than taking them personally.

In my next note, I will show you how to remain calm, confident, and unflappable in the wake of hurtful events.

Your friend,
Lisa Brown

[ Part 1 | Part 2 ]

Advanced Self Help Institute
#106, 527 - 15 Ave SW
Calgary, Alberta  T2R 1R5
Phone: (403) 261-2726
Fax: (403) 261-2725
Email: info@lisabrown.ca